Why is this happening to me?
When will things change?
Why can’t I do anything right?
One of the first things we learnt as children was to ask ‘Why’. Curiosity was a good thing. We wanted to know why things were the way they were, and we got the answers we were looking for thanks to our parents, teachers, other adults in our lives, the television, the library, our friends, etc.
But as we got older, some questions put us in a loop – we couldn’t find the right answers, we would constantly ask ourselves the same questions.
For example, when things get tough, we normally take it out on ourselves. We blame ourselves, we blame others, we blame a higher being, we blame the universe. We see ourselves as victims.
All this blame and victim-mindset doesn’t get us anywhere but deeper into the pit of self-pity.
What if we asked different questions? Better ones like:
What can I do NOW to make things better?
How can I change the outcome?
Where do I need to improve?
What have I done RIGHT in this situation?
How can I look at this differently?
This new set of questions offers more room for growth & improvement. It removes us from a victim-mindset and empowers us instead. Because ultimately, only WE can make a difference in our lives. WE are in charge of our lives. WE are in the driver’s seat.
The right questions help us see what we’ve done right. This needs to be acknowledged and celebrated, so we don’t overlook something in our strategy that has actually worked. A complete overhaul is not always necessary. There are times when we just have to tweak our strategy to get the desired outcome.
I faced a situation not too long ago where I got overwhelmed with personal issues and saw myself as a total failure. My heart felt completely broken and couldn’t pull myself out of it to do anything. When I caught myself in victim mode, I sobered up and asked better questions.
For me, the first better question was ‘What does success look like?’ I gave myself time to focus on the question and think of MY truth. Herein lies a vital point in asking questions – be KIND to yourself. Extend to yourself the patience, kindness, encouragement & support you would show to your best friend.
I discovered that I had already met most of the criteria to my definition of success. There were a few points that I hadn’t met yet, so the next GOOD question was ‘How can I meet these criteria?’ With that, a plan was formed. I knew exactly what I needed to do, why I needed to do them, who could help me and how I could stay on course should I spiral again. I added that last bit because I’m human, I’m emotional and I knew a broken heart wouldn’t heal just because I wanted it to – it would take time.
Asking questions is good. Asking BETTER questions empowers us to move forward.
If you’re curious as to what else constitutes better questions, book a session with me.
