I was never someone who connected with emotions before. I took pride in being analytical, practical & logical. Here’s the thing though – being this way kept me disconnected not only from others but from MYSELF as well!

I remember when my grandfather died many many years ago. My immediate reaction was to think about the logistics. Who did I need to call? Who was going to report the death? What else did we have to do? How was I going to support the rest of the family? Did we need to get a caterer for the next few days? All logical & practical thoughts.

Don’t get me wrong – I loved my grandpa to bits. He was a kind, loving, helpful and hardworking man. He always had sweets for his grandkids. He insisted on watching the news in ALL languages (even if he didn’t understand the language). He was a stickler for routine and we always knew what he would do next. He loved playing games and having visitors. Everyone who knew him has fond memories of him.

When he died, my analytical mind took over and I didn’t allow myself to grieve. I kept myself busy with tasks and supporting other family members. That was my M.O. – I pushed myself to keep going until I couldn’t contain the emotional build-up in me, and then the waterworks would start. There were times when I didn’t even know WHY I was crying or what I was feeling.

It’s important to explain here that thoughts turn to feelings, and this happens in our head. When I stub my toe, my brain receives the signal, analyses it and says I should feel pain, and react accordingly. See how thoughts lead to feelings?

Emotions on the other hand live in the body. It is a more accurate representation of how we feel (i.e. without being analytical). It tells us what we need. When we don’t deal with emotions as they come up, they become unresolved trauma (distressing or disturbing experiences).

Here’s where the problem was for me. I lived in my head so much, I couldn’t connect with my body to identify or recognise the emotions that came up. Essentially, I didn’t know what I was really feeling! It took months of conscious effort to make that connection. Even now I find myself dealing with unresolved trauma from the past. These can be emotionally exhausting days, but the lightness that comes from letting go of the trauma is so worth it!

Now that I’ve done some healing work, it’s a little easier to access my emotions. I feel joy and contentment when I recall the adventures I had with my grandpa. I’m so grateful I got to spend all that time with him. It’s no longer a memory recall in my head, but it’s a full body experience – I feel my chest swell with gratitude, love, joy and peace.

Another benefit I’ve found in connecting with my body and emotions is I know myself better now, am confident in who I am, and I’m more willing to be vulnerable in relationships.

I’m no longer just an analytical mind, I’m also an emotional being.