Finding Patterns in Your Past That Shape Your Present
Ever have one of those quiet moments? Maybe driving home after a long day, or sipping coffee before the house wakes up? A thought drifts in: “How did I get here?” Not just geographically, but here – in this career, these relationships, this feeling… maybe a sense of restlessness even amidst the comfort you’ve built?
If you’re nodding along, you’re not alone. So many incredible women in their 40s and 50s – women who’ve climbed ladders, managed teams, raised families, handled crises – find themselves pausing at this stage. You’ve achieved so much, yet there’s a whisper inside asking, “What’s next? Is this really it?”
Here’s a comforting thought: You are not starting from scratch. The answers you seek are often woven into the very fabric of your life story. Think of it like an intricate tapestry. From a distance, it might look like a beautiful, complex whole. But look closer, and you see individual threads – choices made, challenges overcome, joys celebrated, losses endured. And running through them? Patterns.
These patterns aren’t always obvious in the day-to-day rush but they hold incredible power. They influence:
- The Roles You Gravitate Towards: Are you always the organizer? The peacemaker? The one who steps up when things get tough? Where did that start?
- Your Relationship Dynamics: Do you find yourself in similar situations with partners, friends, or colleagues, even when the people change?
- Your Inner Critic’s Favorite Tune: What messages play on repeat in your head when you’re stressed? (“I have to do it all myself,” “Don’t make waves,” “I’m not quite enough”) Whose voice does that sound like?
- What Drains You vs. What Lights You Up: What specific tasks or interactions leave you utterly depleted? Conversely, what activities (even small ones) make you lose track of time and feel truly you? Trace those feelings back.
- Your Response to Change & Challenge: Do you tend to fight, flee, freeze, or strategize? How did earlier experiences shape that default setting?
Mapping Your Story Isn’t About Dredging Up Pain
This isn’t about getting stuck in the past or assigning blame. It’s about compassionate curiosity. It’s looking back with the wisdom of your 45+ years and gently asking: “Ah, I see that thread there… and there… and there. How is that pattern still showing up now? Is it helping me, or holding me back from what I truly crave?”
Think of it like finding an old, familiar path in the jungle. You’ve walked it many times before, maybe automatically. Now, you pause. You see the path clearly. You realize you can choose to keep walking it, or maybe, just maybe, you notice a slightly different route branching off – one that feels more aligned with who you are today.
How to Start Your Gentle Map:
- Grab Your Journal (or a Notes App): No pressure for perfect prose. Just thoughts.
- Pick a Theme: Feeling stuck at work? Start there. Trace your career path – not just titles, but why you took each role, what you loved/hated, how you felt. Or pick “Relationships” or “Times I Felt Truly Alive.”
- Look for Repeats: As you jot down key moments, ask:
- “What feeling keeps coming up?”
- “What choice did I make again?”
- “What belief about myself or the world was operating here?”
- “Who was I trying to please or prove something to?”
- Connect Past to Present: See a pattern? Gently ask: “Where does this same feeling or belief show up in my life now?” (e.g., “I always took on extra work to prove my worth… and wow, I still do that constantly, even though I’m exhausted.”)
- Be Kind: This is about understanding, not judging your younger self. She did the best she could with what she knew then. Thank her. Acknowledge her strength.
The Gift of Seeing the Pattern
Simply seeing a pattern clearly can be incredibly freeing. It takes it out of the shadows and puts it right in front of you. Suddenly, that automatic reaction or draining feeling isn’t just “how things are.” It has a history. And with that awareness comes choice.
You get to decide: Does this old pattern still serve the woman I am today, the woman who wants more depth, more joy, more authenticity? Or is it time to gently weave in a new thread?
Feeling Curious About Your Own Patterns?
Mapping your life story is a powerful, deeply personal journey. Sometimes, having a compassionate guide beside you – someone who can help you spot the threads, hold the space for your discoveries, and support you in weaving a future that truly resonates – makes all the difference.
If you’re feeling that quiet nudge to explore your own story, to understand the patterns shaping your present, and to consciously design what comes next, I’m here to help. As your coach, I provide a safe, supportive space for exactly this kind of gentle exploration and empowered change.
Let’s have a relaxed, no-pressure conversation. We can chat about where you are, what you’re sensing, and whether working together feels like the right next step for you.
Ready to start mapping your way towards a more fulfilling chapter? Click here to book your complimentary Discovery Call.
