I grew up thinking saying ‘No’ was rude. I bent over backwards to meet others’ demands and/or needs, and rarely (if ever) put myself first. This was the ‘right’ way to be. Religion taught me to ‘die to self’ and focus on serving others. I learnt that it was good to love others, but showing love and compassion to myself was deemed being self-centred and selfish.
That’s what I believed for very many years. It left me feeling exhausted, resentful and lonely. Why didn’t others put me first, as I put them first? It led to me ignoring my own physical, emotional and mental needs.
Don’t get me wrong – I LOVE serving. I love helping. I love playing a part in someone else achieving their dreams, or reaching their goals, or becoming better, stronger, more successful. I get a huge sense of satisfaction even if I played a tiny part in someone else’s happiness.
What I DO have a problem with now is not having boundaries. When there are no boundaries, there’s no self-care. That’s where the problem starts. We cannot give from an empty cup.
When we practice self-care, we fill our own cup – we take care of OURSELF, our needs, wants, mental state, emotional well-being etc. And then we’re able to give (serve, love, help etc) because we have plenty, and we’re giving from a place of abundance. (i.e the FULL cup).
And THIS is why I must learn to say ‘no’. It’s not a bad word as I imagined it to be before. It’s a powerful, yet liberating word. It helps me take back my power to decide for myself if I want to do something – or if I CAN do it – without jeopardising my need to fill my cup.
Here’s another tip I want to share with you – learn to say ‘No’ and leave it at that. Don’t give in to the need to justify your refusal – it takes away your power, and stirs an uneasy feeling within, even guilt! Just say ‘No’ and feel the triumph build up in your body.
