Self trust is not about knowing all the answers or believing you will always do the right thing.
It is being kind and respectful to yourself regardless of the outcome of your efforts. It is reliance on your integrity. People who have high self trust also have clarity and confidence in their decisions. They are interdependent, speak with unassuming authority, are keen observers and have the ability to learn from their experiences – successes AND failures.
A word that comes up often when discussing self trust is ‘regret’. It is normal to feel regret when we’ve made a mistake. With regret comes shame. The bigger the regret, the deeper the shame., the greater the opportunity for growth.
It’s what we do with that regret that matters most. When we learn from our mistakes and forgive ourselves, regret evaporates and self trust increases. If we stay stuck in regret, it can overwhelm us as our inner-critic starts to replay events like a broken record, looping and ‘proving’ to us that we’re not good enough.
Something happened recently that prompted me to evaluate my own self trust. I had made a mistake, which in the past I might have considered devastating and terribly embarrassing. I might have even reacted by hiding until people forgot that I had made that mistake. But this time, the reaction was a bit different – yes, I did get a bit agitated, but managed to calm myself down quickly. I didn’t think the mistake was devastating – just slightly embarrassing (there was an oversight on my side, and I should have been more careful – there’s the regret – lesson learnt, I’ll be more careful moving forward). I was instinctively gentle and compassionate with myself this time, not harsh and berating.
Having self trust means I know that even when I make mistakes, I will be kind with myself because I know I’m doing the best that I can with the best intentions. It means loving and accepting myself as I grow.
